I just wrote a piece for my other blog (https://boopfeifferswtf.wordpress.com/2020/12/15/vienna/ that turns out to have been about mindfulness and self-acceptance. These are the two things that are critical to successfully achieving New Years resolutions, but generally get lost in the traditional “make it a habit,” “stick to it,” “just 10 pounds,” “just do it,” parlance of wellness and fitness coaching.
I am not deriding habit-making and just doing it – but we need to get to place where those are empowering, not self-defeating, and that’s the piece I want to fill in here.
Fundamentally, we need to meet ourselves where we are at, understand why we are here, what patterns got us and keep us here, and accept that present, so we can own new habits that are authentic to our present selves. That will set us up for success in making changes.
Here is an example: If your lifestyle involves two hours of commuting and a 9 hour work day, the hour a day gym workout that you intend to make a habit may not be practical during the week, and maybe that’s why it doesn’t, pardon the pun, work out. If the commute and the 10 hour work day aren’t going to change, accept that, and look for a place that a workout can fit – even if it isn’t your “ideal” HIIT hour. Is traffic really bad at the end of work? What about doing a video workout in the office or parking lot before heading home? What about a walk at lunch or Pilates or Yoga video in the park? What about bedtime yoga instead of a night cap?
So, instead of resolving to do something impractical, and setting yourself up for failure, ask yourself where and how you can set yourself up for success. Where can you accept that some changes might not happen and set yourself up for success where they can happen?
We get caught up in this “I should exercise” I should eat better” “I should lose weight” “I should meditate,” that we don’t often see what we can do. I can eat better, but how? Why do eat bread at the counter instead of a salad at the table? Do I think I am not worthy of a place at the table? What is making me not sit down? A couple of things. First, I have misophonia – I struggle with having to her other people chew – so group meals with my family are hard. Second, my kids are very picky eaters and I am always on edge, jumping up to remake a sandwich, or switch lemonade cups. Third, I have been in a relationship which I let devalue me, and I let myself believe I was not worthy of the cost of my food and that I didn’t deserve the time to sit down – I had to be constantly doing something on order to prove my value or earn my keep.
That’s pretty heavy stuff weighing down my salad. I hope you don’t have similar challenges, but I understand if you do, and if you do, we need to honor them before we can work with them. In my case, I have started to try to sit down alone for one healthy meal a day. I often have lunch now – something I didn’t do before I realized the challenges I was making for myself. This lunch is usually with my definition of “healthy” and I eat it mindfully – focusing on the food, texture, flavor, how it nourishes me, etc. I usually teach during the family dinner time now, so I am avoiding the noise and I am being productive – but this is not an escape, it is a reality of when clients need classes – and it helps me be able to be more present and enjoy the weekends when we can all be together – and I have the validation that I am worthy of my meals because I earned them during the week.
This is my start. We are all works in progress. I hope these examples will help you identify where you are at and what might be blocking you from making the positive changes you would like to implement. Sometimes, it helps to meditate on the status quo and imagine the doors that close us off, and the doors that open us up. Then, we can use CBT to change the inhibiting patterns. Please contact me if you would like a guided meditation and/or CBT session, so you can free the healthier you.
Great Lakes Pilates & Wellness 